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| BYU-Idaho |
Looking back at my life, there are many things that I have done that have been fantastic and also times when I wonder if I made the right choice. I don't really have any regrets because to have a regret means that you have never grown from a choice/situation to make yourself better. However, with that said, I do have one choice that I made when I was pregnant with Isaac that has haunted me these last 7 years and I guess if I had to label it, it would be my one regret and that is quitting college my senior year.
School has always been important to me and I have always envisioned myself with a masters degree but motherhood was also important. After experiencing fertility problems then conceiving Isaac, I felt strongly that I should quit school and focus on being a mother. After all, I can always get my degree at any stage of life but being a mother was limited. Jim pursued his undergraduate studies and then received his masters while I continued to have more children relishing the blessing of motherhood. I was, however, secretly jealous of his accomplishments and desperately wished that it was me walking across that stage to receive my diploma and not him during his graduations.
I told myself that there is a time and a season for everything and it isn't my time or season to pursue school. During these 9 1/2 years of marriage I have become embarrassed when talking to people about not finishing school and have somewhat associated my self worth with obtaining a degree. I feel less of a person than graduates and even though I still feel that I made the right decision to stay home and be a mom, it doesn't make it any easier for me to view myself as just a housewife and not an educated person choosing to put their career on hold to raise a family.
With some much that has happened to my family and me this year, I have learned that I can do anything if I am in the right frame of mind and if I have support from my family and friends. The time has come to chuck my self pity at the door because I applied to BYU-Idaho for their online degree program and guess what? I got in. That's right. Starting January 6, 2014 I will be a student again and I just might be crazy to do this. I know that I will have to skype with my professors, I will have reading and assignments due and I also know that I will have 4 kids who will want my love and attention along with working 2 jobs and an array of extra-curricular activities. Luckily, Jim has been the driving force to help me recognize that this is now my time and he is here to support me 100%. I know that life will be a bit more crazy but I hope that down the line this will show my kids the importance of education and that no matter how crazy your life can be, if you want something bad enough, you can find a way to achieve it.
I look forward to walking across that BYU-Idaho stage, with Jim and all 4 kids watching me, as I finally extend my hand and receive my diploma. It will be one of the sweetest accomplishments that I will achieve thus far in my life.
1 comment:
Definitely crazy! Just kidding! I think that's awesome! You can do it! However, I do have to disagree that you're anything less for not having finished your degree. I look back at the last few years and I have so learned so much more (about life, about myself) while staying home with my munchkins than I ever did at college. I'm learning... I'm just not learning out of books. That being said, I think it's awesome that you're setting a goal for yourself and working towards it! Like you said, that alone will teach your kids so much and they'll realize how important education is to you. Good luck!
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